Brick Walls

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” 

–Randy Pausch–

Gần mực thì đen, gần đèn thì sáng

I had to think about this quote a lot in the past few days. And I begin to like it more and more. Somehow it's just a simple fact, but not everybody follows this rule. From now on it should be one of my principles. Be near the people who shine bright and avoid the people who send out darkness. This is one of my light moments where I feel the urge to motivate myself to become a better person. For my family, friends and other people but more important for myself. If I can fix myself, I can start helping others. Wish me good luck.

Too comfortable

Loneliness is killing me - again. And I don't even start to change the situation to make my life much better and fullfilled. Instead I'm always sitting on my bed watching non-sense videos or reading some blogs. It's like I want to suffer in self-misery. No going out, no talking to friends, no distracting myself by learning something new, or even doing my homework. I know this isn't good for me, but do I change my behavior? No. So I shouldn't complain about how bad I'm feeling now and why nothing gets better. There is no such thing that out of nowhere something good will occur in your life or that your problems will get solved on their own unless you take the initiative and start creating a new happier life.

Someone should just kick my arse so that I can finally move on. Serioulsy.
(Stupid me can't do it on her own because she's too comfortable with the current situation.)

Fight for what you believe it's the best

"A lifetime isn’t very long. – This is your life, and you’ve got to fight for it. Fight for what’s right. Fight for what you believe in. Fight for what’s important to you. Fight for the people you love, and never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Realize that right now you’re lucky because you still have a chance. So stop for a moment and think. Whatever you still need to do, start doing it today." - Marc and Angels


Today was a very effective day, even though I didn't really do a lot. It was a long time since I've talked to this very good friend of my mum. I call him my mentor. He has taught me so much and is still doing it, I'm just glad that I've someone like him. Through our conversation I could clear my mind and know where my problems are and how to solve - not all of them - but quite a few.

You have to know, in the last few days I was a bit lost and confused about what I want, what my goals are, who I am and who I want to become. I even played with the thought to quit my studies because I didn't see any sense in it at all. Now it's getting better, yet the confusion isn't completely gone but talking with him got me a better understanding of myself.
We also talked a lot about the issues my mum and I have when it comes to understanding each others point of view.
Things got quite... inconvenient since I've returned from Mallorca. It's like I'm a whole different person. I used to listen to what my mum said and followed her orders even if I wasn't happy about it. She had such a power and dominance about me which was - without me knowing consciously - deeply rooted in my inside. But now I don't want and can't listen to her anymore, simply because of one thing:

I've learned what freedom really means. I experienced how it is to live only for the moment, day by day, for two months, not caring which consequences would rise up tomorrow due to my actions because there was no tomorrow.

You can't believe how much this experience have changed my life. My mentor said, it's like I was new-born there. And this is pretty much it, I started a new life.
But complicated as life is, there are some people who can't accept the person I've become. I could have less stress if, for example, my mum isn't constantly against my view and actions. Yes, I go out and party a lot. Of course it could happen that I meet "bad" people who can hurt me, physically or mentally. But hey, I'm not a complete idiot who can't estimate human behaviour. I somehow manage to take care for myself. Yes, I visit friends in difficult cities, having fun hanging out with them. And of course this time I spend with friends I can't use to study. Ok, I'm not prioritizing studying right now, but I'm sure when the time comes it'll work out and I can schedule the things which have to be done. I know I'm not a stupid person who throws away her future just to have a better life at this moment. Because this better life won't last long.

So, people, just trust me in what I'm doing and stop worrying so much. You will see, Mum, how this rebellious and freedom-loving stage of your daughter can make her a better and stronger person in the future.

I'm back, but still not yet

Funny how things can change so rapidly. I've just read the last sentence of my last post and I can say, in these two months I was abroad I lived this motto until my limits. Now I'm still faithful to it, doing a lot of crazy and fun stuff with friends I met in Mallorca. So, the "every day life" hasn't still returned. (See the title)

So, yes, I'm back, but as another person. Maybe you will notice soon. Let's see what my new life in Bremen can offer me.