Why do I always have to do stupid things? It seems that the day I turned 20 didn't change anything at all. Moreover I'm acting like a child more than ever. It's so ironic that I celebrated my 20th birthday so big. I really believed naively that that would be my great day, more meaningful than the 18th birthday because with 20 years you're not a child anymore but rather a young adult. It doesn't apply to me though...
I hate myself for causing so much stress for my mum. It's hurting her... But then I noticed, just sitting there and thinking about all the things I've done wrong recently, won't get me anywhere. All I can do is trying to do it better from now on. I have to work on my personality and self-reliance. I want to be a person my mum is proud of. That doesn't mean I only want to change because of her. More importantly I'm doing this for me. It's just that my mum has given me and is still giving me so much, I want to return everything back she gave to me.
Don't worry, Mum. All this hard work will be worth it. Just be patient for a while.
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