Vulnerable

Yesterday or should I say the day before yesterday? Never mind, quite recently on my way back home from work, I realized that I am incapable of having a relationship with someone. When I came to this conclusion it shocked me but at the same time it was pretty obvious. I was just blind to it because I was so busy thinking about myself and my problems due to the loneliness which sometimes overwhelmes me. This loneliness is the reason why I shouldn't date someone. Exactly this desire to have a boyfriend, only to fill the emptiness inside me, makes me weak and vulnerable. The result is that I'm too clinging and can be easily hurt. In this condition I would fall for anyone's lies. So it's better not to come too close to anyone, at least at the moment, until I'm strong enough to have a relationship and stand against all this anguish and pain which might arise when the relationship ends.

Nothing is worth more than this day

A short preview of the new fashion photos

Real Love

This picture makes me realizing that I've never truly loved someone. This is such a hard fact. There was always a maybe when I fell in love because I hate depending on someone who might hurt you later. So I've always left a backdoor. I guess the time you see someone for the first time, not their pretty looks but their beautiful character, and you know that's the person you've always wanted and who should be the only person for you, that's the moment you really fall in love. But of course it takes some time to see this beauty deep inside them.


The only thing I can do, is living my life as usually and wait for the moment it just happens. Waiting again... but that's no problem because I don't have to rush to fall in love. I know there is someone out there who is perfectly matching to me and will make me feel loved and needed.

Do it

Stores opened last Sunday

Lately I prepared a lot of photos for you. I can't stop buying clothes, haha. These are the newest pieces although there is err.. some underwear and an awesome top missing. Coming soon, I promise. I mean the top, not the underwear.

Well, some regions in Hamburg were open last sunday, also Altona. So my friend ( I call her aşkım) and I decided to combine shopping and studying. This didn't went so well as I'd already expected. We spent a lot of time at H&M because there was a large sale there. Every type of clothes was greatly reduced,really everyone could find anything suitable for themselves. Now less talking, here are the two pieces I purchased at H&M, which I want to show you.

Red Blue Plaid Shirt by H&M
Price: 5 €

I still have to take a photo of this shirt when worn. That looks a lot better. By the way, this is my first plaid shirt, and that's the reason why decided to buy it.
Below is my favorite piece of clothing I'd bought that day! Don't be surprised  by the tons of photos I've taken of the shorts. I just really, really like them.

Jeans Shorts by H&M
Price: 10€

The inside pocket with the printed stars is really cute and stylish.

Stay tuned for more fashion photos!

Speaking angrily

This quote is from Dr. Laurence J. Peter who was an educator and psychologist, by the way. It made me think about myself and showed me that I have to change immediately because the way I'm acting now is intolerable. Too often I let my anger speak without thinking about the consequences of hurting the feelings of others. This can be so easily avoided. So I've made one simple rule:
Never speak when you're angry.

Just let the other person talk and keep your mouth shut until the argument is over.

But as simple as it sounds, it's so hard sticking to that principle. Anger makes you blind and careless, so all the things you've intended to do or not to do are suddenly blown away. But I keep working on that since I believe that someday I will overcome this flaw.

The Lost Douglas Bag

Life can be so ironical sometimes. The day started off normally. My alarm clock rang, but I was still lying on my bed for a while until I began with my daily workout. Now my sit-ups have increased to 90-110 a day. I'm kinda proud of me. After doing sports and dancing I hurried up to be on time at the Chinese class with my aşkım.


Today both of us had to go to work after the lesson and both of us are working in the same district. As we were waiting for our train, I told her I'd bought a new lipstick from Chanel. "Why haven't you brought it with you?", she asked me indignantly. She always wanted me to show her my new-bought things. "It's precious to me and it was a bit expensive. I'm afraid of losing it eventually.", I explained her. Askım reacted with a really strange look that was saying: "Seriously? How can you lose make-up?" She told me I should get used to bring expensive things with me, it would be normal.


As we get off the train, our paths separated and I was working at the french "boutique"/ store for about eight hours. But I also had a 30 minute break, of course. I used it to buy this awesome blazer at Vero Moda. I definetely spend too much money for stuff I don't necessarily need. After working I was really exhausted and hungry. However, I love this job so much. It's just two weeks ago when I started working there, but this job fits perfectly to me. I like helping and giving advice to our customers and I also have a lot of fun learning something new. This work has much to offer.


Back to the story.On my way back I gave my mum a call and asked her to pick me up at the bus station. She was so kind to give me that pleasure. While I was waiting and listening to music I looked up to the sky which was covered with little fluffy pink clouds. I love such a landscape (?). When my mum arrived I ran to the car, happy that I would be at home soon to finally eat dinner. But things never happen how we're expecting them.


Back at my room I realised, I've forgotten my douglas bag at the bus station. All the make-up I use every day was in there, and some paper. I panicked. I had to buy all of them again... mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and lip gloss... even my contact lenses box and water. So I drove back alone, but it was already to late. Someone took my used (!) make-up. Who would do that? I was very angry for a while. But somehow I'm not very sad about this lost. Most of them were almost used up, so I have to buy some new soon. Luckily there wasn't anything important in there. And hell yeah, I haven't brought my new lipstick with me. Otherwise I could use it only for one day.


I learned my lesson. Never take more than two bags along. You might lose things you haven't expect to lose. Like make-up.

Go Germany! Go Germany!

Germany's soccer team is playing against Portugal's right now. My family and I are so excited about the game. Portugal's team is just too good. It's so hard to get through the defense.


I wish the German team good luck and hope they do their best.

Awkward

It's so awkward between us, I don't know how to handle this.

There was this boy I've met for two months. In the end we were kind of together, but not really. It was something between friendship and love. Three months ago I told him that I just wanted to be friends with him because I knew he waited for me until I was ready for a relationship. I made him angry but the worst part is that I hurt him. I hate things like that. I can't stand hurting feelings of people I care about. But if I didn't tell him that early, the damage would be much bigger. So it was unavoidable. It's strange and fascinating at the same time how feelings can change so quickly just because you get to know someone else...

Oh my gosh, I can't believe that three months have past. Time goes by so fast. I still have contact with him on facebook and we're chatting sometimes. But somehow there is this gape between us. I feel like he's not the same person anymore. Could be my fault. Recently I have to think very often about him. I think about calling him but something holds me back from doing it. What should we talk about? The last time I've heard his voice was so long ago. Not that I miss his voice or miss being with him. There is something though that I miss about him. I can't identify what it is. Now I still don't know what to do. Whether it's the best if I cut my ties with him or start to talk to him again. I'm confused.